Balancing the Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship
As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.
